The Things We Normalise…And Then Wonder Why We Feel Overwhelmed

This morning I caught up with a friend for coffee and we got talking about this process of normalising what is happening in our life.

For her it was in relation to overcommitting in her business and for me it was in relation to my youngest son.

I haven’t talked much about this in the past, simply because I don’t want his disabilities to become the focal point of my business. But my youngest son does have severe disabilities and that is ultimately why I have chosen this path of running my own business so that I can give him the best possible care as well as support our family along the way.

Prior to that I was ready to give up being an arts therapist but deep down I knew that this was the path I was meant to take.

So back to the coffee catch up…

I got talking about how I often normalise the day to day runnings of my life as a single mum and then wonder why there are times when I feel overwhelmed or why I haven’t been able to get to all the things on my to do list in a given week.

It got me thinking how common this is among single mothers, or any mums for that matter.

We carry more than we give ourselves credit for

We just carry this invisible load and whether it be societal expectations, or our own high expectations that we place on ourselves, we have a habit of minimising the mental load of everything we do.

OK, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing. Downplaying things can actually be a good thing in many ways, except that when we do this in relation to our parenting, what we are actually doing is minimising how much we do carry.

And instead of seeing that as a positive, we tend to be hard on ourselves for not doing more.

Do you say any of these things:

What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I cope?
I need to be more organised…

And then if you do happen to have a spare 5 minutes free, do you feel guilty about making time for you?

You don’t need to earn time for yourself

It took me such a long time to not feel guilty about making time for myself. Partly because my ex would always make me feel guilty for wanting the extra help.

I can’t stress how important it is to make time to fill your own cup. And no, you do not need to earn time for yourself.

You don’t need to work yourself into the ground just to prove that now you can have that 5 minute break.

All you have to do is picture yourself as a friend and then consider what advice you would offer. I’m pretty certain that you wouldn’t be encouraging them to keep going until they completely burn out.

When you create space, everything begins to shift

When you are stuck in this cycle, it can feel like there is no possible way to make time for yourself. There was a time when I felt this way too.

The reason this happens is because little by little you have given away your time to care for others. I’m not judging here. I think pretty much every mum has been on this path.

And when you are overwhelmed it’s hard to see a clear way through.

That’s why I am so invested in sharing art therapy with as many single mums as possible because once you begin to connect with your body and regulate your nervous system, your brain has the space to think more clearly and when that happens you are able to make better choices for you and your kids.

Maybe it’s not that you’re not coping

Maybe it’s that you’ve been carrying more than you’ve allowed yourself to see.

Much love

Tanya x