Why Do You Go From 0 to 100 in a Split Second With Your Kids?

Do you ever wonder why you go from 0-100 in a split second when you are with your kids?

It feels like you are starting from 0, but the truth is you could be anywhere from 90 upwards before you reach the moment that tips you over.

How Hiding Our Feelings Keeps Us on High Alert

If you are anything like me, when you were growing up, talking about how you feel really wasn't a thing. In fact, it was likely that your parents told you to "stop crying", "stop overreacting"....or "if you don't stop that now you won't get dessert".

This isn't about shaming my parents though. For the most part, we just didn't know what we know now, but if you never learnt how to express your emotions in healthy ways, it's likely that you have spent much of your childhood and adult life in survival mode. It just feels normal to you.

When we learn to suppress how we feel, we also learn to be hyper vigilant about how we express ourselves, constantly monitoring and editing, just in case. And that hyper vigilance is exhausting. It keeps our nervous system on guard rather than at rest, which makes it so much harder to actually regulate.

Imagine a building with 100 levels, and you have spent much of your adult life on level 90, when really you could have been on the ground floor and able to access the outside world. If you are already at level 90, it doesn't take much to get to 100. Arguably, you could say, a split second.

What if you were on the ground floor though? You would start to notice you were getting higher by the time you got to 20 or 50, let alone 90.

My Own Wake-Up Call

Before I left my marriage, I honestly had no idea how much time I was spending in fight/flight mode. I would tell my work colleagues, "you think I'm calm here but wait till you see me at home." I was able to hold it together at work. It took a lot of energy sometimes, but at home that was a different story, and it wasn't because I couldn't be a calm person. It was because my nervous system was already in the 90s (less fun than actually listening to 90s music, I dare say).

Does it feel like you lose it at your kids in the blink of an eye? It might just be that you are constantly operating in survival mode, and perhaps have been most of your life.

This is not about placing any blame or failure on you for this. Our brains love patterns, so if your pattern is to stay on high alert even if that is harmful to you, your brain will keep doing it because it believes that is safer than the unfamiliar. It's crazy, isn't it? But sadly, we are hardwired for survival.

The good news is that we can actually change this. It is all about learning how to connect with your body, understand what your base level for calm is, and recognise what signs your body is giving you when your nervous system is dysregulated. And above all, learning to be kind to ourselves. Because let's face it, being human is messy, and being a mum is next level.

If you would like to learn more about how to connect with your body through art therapy, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me here.

Much love

Tanya x