The After-Effects Of Calm Nobody Warns You About

Nobody warns you that getting calmer can make you feel worse before it makes you feel better.

I found this out sitting in my car.

I'd just finished the school run, the kind of day that looks completely normal on paper. Nothing dramatic happened. No epic meltdown, no 45 minutes of "I don't want to go to school." Just a regular week of running around after kids, the way every week is.

But when I went to get out of the car, my legs felt sore. Properly sore. I tried to stretch them out and it didn't help. By the time I stood up it felt like I'd run a marathon. Except I hadn't. The only exercise I'd been doing was the usual chasing-small-humans-around kind, which, let's be honest, doesn't exactly count as training.

This felt different. My muscles were fatigued in that specific way they are a couple of days after a proper workout. (Not that I'd know from recent personal experience, it's been a while, but I remember what it feels like.)

Feeling calmer helps your nervous system feel safe

Here's the part that stopped me in my tracks. I'd actually been feeling calmer than I had in weeks. So why did my body feel like it had been through something?

Turns out, this is completely normal. It's one of the after-effects of nervous system regulation that nobody really talks about, and it can show up weeks, months, even years after your body has been holding onto stress and overwhelm.

It's because your body and brain no longer feel like there's a threat to your safety. They can finally relax. So all that tension your body had been quietly carrying, sometimes for years, starts to become noticeable. The exhaustion can feel more extreme, not less. But it's all completely normal.

Which brings me to the bit I really want to say.

We've been sold this idea that the goal is to become a "calm mum." Like calm is the finish line. Like if you just meditate enough or breathe enough or read the right book, you'll get there and stay there.

But calm was never supposed to be a permanent state. It's not a personality trait you either have or don't. It's something your nervous system moves in and out of, especially when it's been on high alert for a long time.

What actually matters isn't staying calm every single moment. It's what happens after the moments you don't. It's coming back. Repairing. Showing your kids that it's okay to be human, to get it wrong, and to come back to connection anyway.

That's the thing I actually want for my kids to learn from me. Not a mum who never loses it. A mum who comes back.

So if your body has been feeling strange lately, tired in ways that don't quite make sense, sore in places that don't add up, it might not be a sign something's wrong. It might be a sign something's finally settling.

If any of this sounds familiar, I'd love to hear it. Send me an email to share your version of the marathon-legs moment, the one where your body told on you before your brain caught up.

Much love,
Tanya x