What Moving House Taught This Mum About Nervous System Safety

This month, I finally took the plunge and moved in with my partner of three years. It is a momentous occasion where we are finally coming together; my two boys and his daughter, together as a family. But I have been really surprised by how much stuff has come up for me during the moving process.

The truth is that I have really struggled and it has resulted in me drawing on everything I know along with all the tools I have including reaching out to my support networks to get through this. I still have a way to go and know that it will take time to settle.

How our body reacts to change

It goes without saying that this moving process has got me reflecting on just how much change can impact us, but more importantly, that there is a lot going on in our body as a result. I am so much more aware of it these days. Add to that our desire to feel safe, something I appreciate so much more these days too. The truth is that my tiny two bedroom apartment became the home that me and my two boys finally felt safe in, so it's understandable that it is stirring up a lot for me to be moving out of that safe space and into a new home, even if it is by choice.

When both change and safety are in the picture, our brain can perceive it as a threat to our very survival, which sends our brain and body into a state of fight-flight mode even if we have chosen to take this path. It isn't rational, it's physiological, so trying to talk it out usually results in a whole lot of frustration and not many answers.

This move does feel different though, and here's why:

Five years ago, I don't think I even felt what I'm feeling now, simply because I wasn't as connected to my body. And I certainly didn't understand how important it was for me to feel emotionally safe in my own home. So while it has been a struggle, I know that my recovery is going to be so much quicker simply because I am listening in to what I need.

What This Means for Our Kids

My boys are obviously also going through their own process of change as we move house and into a new home. And this has got me thinking about just how much our kids experience change, sometimes on a daily basis, especially when they are really young. They are constantly being exposed to new experiences and while there is a lot of joy and excitement that comes with that, it can also be really overwhelming for their nervous systems. How we handle change and whether or not we feel safe also greatly impacts our kids' experience of change, both positively and negatively.

Simply being aware of the constant change that our kids are exposed to can sometimes be all it takes for us to become more in tune to what they might be going through when they aren't listening to us or experiencing a meltdown for instance.

And this is where connecting with our own body comes in. When we can feel what is happening for us, the tightness in our chest, the tension in our shoulders, the urge to snap, we become more connected to what our kids experience.  Instead of seeing our kids' meltdown or their not listening as a threat to us and moving into defensive mode, we can meet it with compassion because we understand what might really be going on for them underneath it. The more in tune we are with our own body, the more we can catch ourselves before we get swept up, and the more we can show up for our kids with the compassion they actually need in that moment.

If you would like to learn more about how art therapy can help you connect with your body starting with a simple 3-step practice, I've created a free guide for you to try it, click here to grab your copy today.

Much love

Tanya x